I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
