I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
