Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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