i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
