remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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