you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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