I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
