she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
