At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
