at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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