You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
