Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
