Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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