some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
