She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
