He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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