Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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