Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
