this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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