Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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