Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
