dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
