CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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