I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
