I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
