Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
