had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
