I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
