I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
