I'm laying in your front yard are you home
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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