Its about making memories worth repressing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
