i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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