This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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