ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
