dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
