He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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