I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
