Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
