While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
