I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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