Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
