you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
