guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
