Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
