Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize