Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
