it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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