I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
