we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
