I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
