Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
