Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My vagina just clenched in fear
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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