i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to calm my uterus...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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