he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
