You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
