Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
