It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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