i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
