Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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