STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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