if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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