honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize