some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
