He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
whose parrot is this?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
