Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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