just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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