you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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