just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
